Since childhood, I have witnessed family feuds in almost every family, including my own, among relatives, in my neighborhood, and in many places I have been to. I have seen situations go from bad to worse and people who once lived in harmony turn from friends into foes, fighting over things they would have never imagined they would fight for.
This mostly happens between siblings and sometimes even with parents they grew up with. There comes a point when they don’t even want to see each other, and eventually, a once-happy family breaks apart and gets separated. This has been a sad story in many families. However, the good thing is that it’s not 100%, many families still choose to live in harmony.
These conflicts don’t happen overnight. Many try to resolve them, but despite efforts, they still fail.
But why does this happen? What is the root cause? Why do so many fail to save their families?
Below are some reasons I have observed:
Lack of Good Education
This is a major issue in India. According to Wikipedia, the male literacy rate is 82.14%, while the female literacy rate is 81%. Although these numbers have improved over the years, reaching 100% is still a big task.
When I say “good education,” I am referring not just to academic education but also to life and social education, something most schools and colleges do not teach. We are trained to earn degrees and make money, but we are rarely taught life skills. Managing relationships is one such critical skill that many lack, which is why family relationships often suffer.
Lack of Good Communication
Poor communication often leads to conflict. When communication is not constructive, it creates confusion and allows negative assumptions to form. This is very common in families. Good communication involves open dialogue, mutual respect, and a willingness to resolve issues calmly.
Bad Language
Using aggressive, foul, or rude language can quickly turn a small disagreement into a major fight. When issues are not handled sensibly, emotions take over. Aggression is never a solution; it only worsens the situation.
Lack of Leadership
When conflicts arise, someone, especially elders need to step up and act as a mediator. Unfortunately, in many cases, elders either stay silent or get involved emotionally, which makes matters worse. Elders must act like leaders and take responsibility for maintaining harmony in the family.
Backbiting
Backbiting can severely damage relationships. Talking negatively about family members behind their backs creates resentment and mistrust. When this happens within a family, it can lead to serious and long-lasting conflicts.
Jealousy
Jealousy makes it difficult for people to feel happy about others’ success or happiness. Unfortunately, this also exists within families. Constant comparison fuels jealousy, which eventually leads to bitterness and disputes.
Provocation
Some people cannot tolerate seeing a family living peacefully and may try to create misunderstandings. These individuals could be outsiders or even close relatives. Their provocation often ignites conflicts that were otherwise avoidable.
Involvement of Children
In some cases, adults involve children in family disputes and prepare them for revenge. They fill young minds with negativity and past grudges, allowing conflicts to pass from one generation to the next. This not only destroys family culture but also harms the children’s future.
